Consumed by the Fire

Sometimes I think that all I think or talk about is the house. Whether it be the fire, the camper, the rebuilding, I feel like it's consumed me whole. I do not think that it is all bad, the Lord has taught me some valuable lessons through this trial that I know will and has made me a better Christian. In the near future, I will have my house back with a renewed sense of courage and love to be able to fight the next battle thrown at me! I will have a stronger family, because we have made it through this trial and done so with more love for each other than we had before the fire. And I will have the knowledge that God loves me so much that He notices that I need Him still, even when I thought I could live life on my own.

Sunday at church I felt led to pray a prayer of thanks to God for letting my house burn down. Doesn't that sound crazy? Preacher Glover says that is Christian growth. I hate that it took me 4 months to get to that point, but God works in His time, not mine. It was a strange sensation to thank Him for something that in the beginning I thought would break me. In those first moments after hearing the fireman tell us over the phone that our house was gone, I really thought, "HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE THROUGH THIS? What is going to happen to my family, did my dogs make it, oh no, all my pictures, my Papa stuff." Four months later, I can still feel the pain in the pit of my stomach that I experienced that day. However, there is no dwelling on it, just a remembrance. Now I know that God let that fire put me at a level that I needed to be, lower, lower, lower, so low that I had to reach up for HIM and HIM alone. Reach up and say God, help me, help me to be strong for my family, help me to live more for you, just help me be the way You want me to be not the way I want to be.

I am so thankful for Him. So thankful that God looks down on this huge planet called earth and narrows his gaze to a little part of Rutherfordton and sees me. That He sees that I need Him and then lets me know that He is always here for me!